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Out Of Bondage To Depression

I am a pastor's wife.

I was born into a very dysfunctional family. My father was a military man and he implemented a similar style of discipleship in our home. A little failure in obeying household rules and doing chores would result in heavy spanking and public himiliation, often with negative pronouncements.

I recall an incident from childhood, when I went with a friend to look for old books at a dump site. I was keen to have a book to read but forgot to ask permission from my father to go out. When he found out later, he was so angry that he took a branch to beat me severely. I never forgot that incident throughout my life.

We were ten siblings in a poor family and my mother sold cooked bananas, vegetables and dry goods to have money to meet our daily basic needs. Because of the pressures she faced every day, we children often suffered from her bouts of anger and frustration. Each time, after being scolded or beaten by my parents, I would isolate myself in a room and wished my parents dead.

Growing up in such an environment deeply shaped and affected the way I saw myself. I was also confused because my father, on the one hand, would tell us that he loved us, and then on the other, beat us as if we were not human beings.

My feelings of rejection were so deep that it caused me to suffer a long lasting inferiority complex.

One time, an older sister told me "secret;y" that I was an adopted child because I looked different from all my other siblings. They all had high, nice looking noses while I did not. I believed her, and that "secret" further reinforced my severe sense of rejection.

One day, my mother found me crying and when she asked me why, I reluctantly told her all that my sister had said, whereupon she reassured me and affirmed that I was indeed her biological child.

These experiences and many others deeply hurt, pained and wounded me.

Although I had accepted Jesus Christ and knew for certain that I was saved, I nevertheless struggled with these hurts nad pains of deep rejection and self-rejection.

That was until I attended the one-day "Out of the Black Hole of Depression" seminar taught by Raphah Ministries Malaysia at the Central Philippines University in April 2016.

The Lord worked so mightily and deeply within me that immediately after the seminar, I found the courage to finally open my heart to my husband.

For almost the whole 30 years of our married life I had kept these hurts and pains secret from him. That Saturday, we talked from 9.00 pm until 3.00 am the following Sunday morning.

I had been struggling very much prior to the seminar.

I was hurting within, and consequently hurting my husband and our children. I had even asked permission from my husband to see a psychiatrist for medications to treat my anguish. He had consented, but because we lacked the money, I was not able to do so.

Thankfully, through applying the biblical truths learned from the seminar, I found the inner healing and deliverance I had so desperately wanted.

Knowing, understanding and acknowledging the truth about myself and my pain helped me break free from the bondage to depression.

Because my husband and I had been so blessed through the seminar, we immediately signed up to attend the Raphah Ministries' School of Prayer Counselling and Healing Ministry held the following week.

Today, months later, we still feel free, liberated and happy serving the Lord.

Though far from being perfect, we are progressively pursuing plans and purposes God has for us, knowing that in Him we indeed have a unique "identity and destiny."

To Him be all the glory!

 

pastor's wife
philippines